What is edging and how do you do it?

Have you ever enjoyed an orgasm so much you had wanted it to last forever? Or maybe you found your orgasms to be a bit fast, and you’d get more pleasure from them if they were a little longer lasting? Enter: edging. 

Edging is a technique for sex, applicable to partnered and solo sex (aka masturbation), that can give you stronger, more intense and powerful orgasms. We spoke to two sex experts to uncover exactly what edging is, what it can do for you, and how to get started. You’re welcome. 

What is edging?

Sexologist Lilith Foxx explains that edging, also known as orgasm control, is a technique helping you maintain a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period without reaching climax.

“The goal is to increase the intensity of the eventual orgasm. This is often accomplished by sexual stimulation (typically masturbation, but it can be done during partnered sex too) up until before an orgasm, then the stimulation is stopped in order to prevent the orgasm from occurring,” she explains to Mashable. 

A big thumbs up for edging: it can be done with or without a sexual partner. The goal, either way, is to maintain a high level of arousal without climaxing, then allowing yourself to climax when you’re ready for a more intense orgasm. If you’re going at it alone, you sexually stimulate yourself in whichever way you like (with your hands or using sex toys) and stop yourself just before that “oh god yes” point, before pulling it back and starting again. If you’re with a partner, it works the same way with added communication and support with the to-ing and fro-ing towards and away from orgasm from your sexual partner. 

It might not sound appealing, especially if you love your orgasms (who doesn’t?) but, trust us, when you eventually allow yourself to orgasm, it will be worth it. 

Edging is a technique most can learn fairly quickly, and Foxx says trying it with masturbation first is an excellent way to practice. “It’s also a great lead up to date night or intimacy by sexting your partner throughout. For long distance players, you can use the opportunity of stopping to tell your partner that you’re masturbating or close to orgasm in order to slow down and edge,” she says. If you want a more detailed guide on edging during masturbation, check out our guide to wanking for hours.

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What are the benefits of edging?

Aside from the super long, drawn out orgasms sending you into space during sex, edging has a few key benefits. Sex educator Erica Smith says edging can help you increase your mindfulness of your body’s sensations and the intensity of your pleasure. 

She adds that it might also help people who are struggling in the bedroom, such as those who struggle to produce orgasms, or those who suffer with premature ejaculation, of which 20-30 percent of sexually active men experience. “Proponents of edging say that practicing it over time can increase the intensity of your orgasm, and it’s also a good technique for getting around premature ejaculation,” she says. This is because you’re purposely finding ways to prolong ejaculation when edging. 

Foxx adds that you can learn to recognise your arousal patterns and understand when you’re nearing climax, which can help with your sexual self-understanding and confidence and narrow down what works for you sexually.  

“Masturbation is a great way to become more comfortable and aware of how your body responds to stimulation. Experiment with reducing speed or pressure to prolong arousal,” she says. This, in turn, can make you better about communicating wants and desires with someone else during partnered sex. 

How do I try edging?

Before trying edging, or any new sex act for that matter, it’s important to discuss boundaries, comfort levels, and safe words with your partner. “It’s important to communicate about signals or words to use when near climax. Because it will largely be up to the receiver to indicate when they are getting close to orgasm, it’s a fantastic opportunity for the receiver to ‘listen’ to their body, and to build trust and communication in intimacy with their partner,” Foxx says. 

For those who are unsure about when or how they might experience edging, she recommends trying a bit of power play to get yourself in the mindset. Again, asking permission for orgasms is a fantastic way to do this. You can also combine edging with ruined orgasm play, if desired. 

She also warns that while edging is generally safe, prolonged sexual stimulation can lead to discomfort or frustration for some individuals. So, it’s important to always listen to your body, respect its boundaries and adapt accordingly. 

For edging on your own, Smith recommends edging by masturbating the way you usually like to and bringing yourself just to the edge of your orgasm, and then stopping. Just as you start to feel the climax building, “pause, take away your hand or toy, and pay attention to what your body is feeling. Then [when you feel the climax dial back down], begin masturbating again. Try this practice at least 1-3 times before you let yourself orgasm.”

How do I know when to edge?

Edging well requires knowing your point of no return (PNR), which is the point in which arousal meets orgasm. It’s important that you learn to read your body and know when this point occurs in order for you to stop stimulation. So, it might take a few tries to nail edging as you learn your body’s own cues for orgasm, but what a great excuse to masturbate more often! 

Most people with vulvas find their breathing becomes sharper, their movements more mechanical and that all their attention is focused on their genitals. If you want to edge your orgasm, this is the point of no return and the place where you should stop all activity. Then, let your body rest for a minute or two, until it returns to a more normal state.

As for edging with a partner, Smith says this requires great communication and a partner who is a good listener. Once you’ve had the necessary boundary chat we mentioned earlier, you can get down to practicing edging together. 

“When your partner is stimulating you (with their genitals, hand, mouth, or toy), when you feel yourself on the brink of orgasm tell them to stop or pause,” Erica says. “Ideally they will pause at the exact moment you request, and then you can do this a few more times before you allow orgasm to happen fully.” Both experts recommend edging during masturbation before trying it with a partner, so you can learn your own point of no return and communicate when to hold back more effectively. 

Of course, in certain positions, you can be in the driver’s seat and edge your own orgasms during partnered sex, as long as your partner is cool with this. Cowgirl and reverse cowgirl, for instance, allow you to control your own pleasure to an extent. So, you can be in charge of spotting when an orgasm is coming, and stopping it in its tracks. 

Like most new sex acts, practice really does make perfect with edging. Try not to be hard on yourself as you work this out — alone or with a partner — and have fun with the experimentation. 

It’s hard to turn down an orgasm when it presents itself to you, but you might find telling it to come back later results in an incredible pleasure experience.