Tesla launches Amazon store filled with every 40-year-old child’s dreams

Tesla has done it again. 

The company that brought us insane mode and questionably sourced farting unicorns is back to remind the world that no one speaks to the soul of children trapped in adult bodies better than its childlike CEO. That’s right, Tesla just launched its own Amazon store, and you wouldn’t believe the goodies for sale.

In the mood for a $250 1:18-scale Tesla Model S toy car with “Steerable wheels”? Or maybe a $45 iPhone X case with the word “Tesla” subtly emblazoned across the side? The Tesla Amazon store has you covered.

According to Electrek, the store launched Feb. 5, and suggests a possible future where Tesla customers might order some vehicle accessories through the online retail giant. In the meantime, however, the page’s offerings are limited to model cars, hoodies, hats, phone cases, and coffee mugs. 

Truly, we live in a golden age. 

However, the question remains as to why Tesla only decided to list a bunch of overpriced nonsense accessories. Perhaps Amazon didn’t want the headache of storing actual Teslas in its fulfillment warehouses?  

But hey, if anyone can chart that futuristic path it would be likes of a Jeff Bezos / Elon Musk team up. With their combined billionaire powers, there’s nothing those two can’t accomplish — just ask union organizers. 

Now excuse me while I go play with my tiny diecast Model X. The falcon wing doors really open!