Of course Goop and Dyson are selling a 24-karat gold hair dryer

It’s a match made in late-stage capitalism heaven.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s pseudoscience-filled lifestyle brand Goop is now shilling a Dyson product that truly embodies the best of the word “excess.”

Please meet the Dyson Supersonic™ hair dryer in 23.75 karat gold. 

Dyson released this very special edition of its Supersonic hair dryer in August. It’s an ultra-luxe version of its (actually great, if pricey) hair dryer. Just, ya know, adorned with gold. 

But not just any gold! It’s gold leaf, sourced from Italy, and hand painted on every device. The wand of the dryer also comes in a nice royal blue. The case comes in a red that matches the “gesso” of the dryer. Over time, the gesso will mix with the gold to form a signature “patina.” (I learned a lot of new words reading the description of this golden blow dryer). 

It can be yours for $499.99 — just $100 off the base price of the original!

Ads for this unholy marriage of vanity and brand affinity appeared in the Goop newsletter on Thursday. Here is the ad. Goop and Dyson are apparently “friends.”

It makes perfect sense for Goop to include this product — which costs approximately 25 times more than a typical blow dryer — in the newsletter, even as an ad. 

Goop is what the biz calls an “aspirational” brand. That is, it is intended for both rich people (Gwyneth), and people who wish they were rich (me). The first item in the Goop “what’s new” shop is a $1,260 coat. It is famous for selling items like Moon Dusts and Jade Eggs to promote health and wellness. And though Goop has been thoroughly ridiculed for its excesses and out-of-touch editorial, it still commands a devoted following of aesthetes, VIPs, and their minions. Goop is worth $250 million.

Goop is my guilty pleasure, though I can’t afford anything it sells. However, I dearly hope Gwyneth uses this gold blow dryer. The flaxen titan of wellness, tending to her locks with a golden rod in hand, a steely look in her eye, is sheer perfection. She deserves it. And so do you.