Actually you’re not getting that $125 from Equifax, warns the FTC

Ya got played. 

That’s pretty much the message from the FTC, which is now warning victims of the 2017 Equifax data breach that the much-hyped $125 per person settlement payout is really just a mirage. You see, the company screwed over so many of you that there’s not enough cash to go around. 

“The public response to the settlement has been overwhelming,” writes the FTC. “Because the total amount available for these alternative payments is $31million, each person who takes the money option is going to get a very small amount.”

So just how much money, exactly, will victims of Equifax’s stunning negligence receive? The FTC isn’t sure, but it has a rough idea: “Nowhere near the $125 they could have gotten if there hadn’t been such an enormous number of claims filed.”

You see, it’s your fault you’re not getting the money. If you actually wanted it, you shouldn’t have asked for it. Or something. 

“You will be disappointed.”

But not to worry! The FTC really wants you to know that there’s another option! It just so happens to be a garbage one. 

“The free credit monitoring provides a much better value, and everyone whose information was exposed can take advantage of it,” explains the agency. “The market value of this product is hundreds of dollars per year.”

Oh great. The company that let hackers steal all your personal data is now going to protect it… Such a great value proposition. 

However, in case you still don’t find the offer of credit monitoring persuasive and elect to go the cash-money route, the FTC is here to let you know that you’re going to be let down. 

“You can still choose the cash option on the claim form,” notes the agency, “but you will be disappointed with the amount you receive and you won’t get the free credit monitoring.”

So there you have it. Take this garbage credit monitoring that you likely didn’t really need before Equifax screwed you over, or enjoy your pennies. The option is totally yours.