What to watch on Netflix when you know it’s going to end in sex

Nothing ruins the mood like making the wrong Netflix choice when what you’re watching inevitably becomes the background noise to getting hot and heavy with your bae. 

Do not, we repeat, do not just go for “what people are talking about right now” because that’s how you end up bumping uglies to Chernobyl, with a soundtrack of innocent lives dying from radiation poisoning. Another rookie mistake is horror films, which seems like a good date movie in concept, until your make out sesh is punctured by the screams of violent teen death.

There are a some general fail-safe qualities for good streaming content for heavy petting: casual, low-investment, mostly inoffensive, nothing too intense, kind of missable but also good, and able to be tuned in and out.

You don’t want it to be too interesting, because that could distract from the main objective. But it’s also hard to get down and dirty to objectively terrible stuff. Anything too overtly sexy might also backfire, because who wants to compete with Hollywood sex scenes? Simultaneously, kid-friendly stuff might make you feel like a creep when you both start to get horny.

It’s a tough balance, which is why feel-good docs, reality TV, procedural comedy, classics, anthologies, sketch, and variety shows are the safest bets. We’ve added some twists to our list. But be sure you take your specific circumstances into account before choosing.

For example, if this is the first time your Netflix and Chilling with a partner, you don’t want to pick anything too obvious or too painful to sit through. A bad movie or show will make your partner think you have bad taste. And since there’s less of a guarantee that canoodling will even happen (or go well), you might actually wind up having to watch the damn thing.

So here are a few suggestions for getting steamy while streaming. (Comedy = ?, romance = ❤️️, action = ?, sexy = ?, family-friendly = ?, sci-fi = ?, reality/doc = ? drama = ?, we don’t even know = ?.)

Hate watches

Never underestimate the power of a hate watch. Sure, no one asked for these films to exist. But now they’re here to bring you and your partner closer together through mutual eye-rolling.

• The Emoji Movie, Netflix ?

• Bee Movie, Netflix ?

• Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, Hulu ?

• Cars 3, Netflix ?

• Despicable Me 3, Netflix ?

• Gnome Alone, Netflix ?

• The Boss Baby: Back in Business, Netflix ?

• The Princess Switch, Netflix ❤️️

• A Christmas Prince, Netflix ❤️️

• Shrek The Musical, Netflix ??

• Justice League, HBO ?

• Jurassic World: Lost Kingdom, HBO ?

Classic rewatches and reruns

This list is almost indistinguishable from “what to stream for falling asleep.” But we’ve weeded out any potential awkward entries. But the concept is the same: You’ve seen it before, so you won’t be missing anything when your mind goes … elsewhere.

• Parks and Recreation, Netflix ?

• The Office, Netflix ?

• The Hangover, Netflix ?

• Mean Girls, HBO ?

• The Dark Knight, Netflix ?

• V for Vendetta, Netflix ??❤️️

• Airplane!, Hulu ?

• The Simpsons, Hulu ?

• Futurama, Hulu  ?

• Friends, Netflix  ?

• Gilmore Girls, Netflix  ??

• Pineapple Express, Netflix ?

• Frasier, Netflix ?

• Arrested Development, Netflix ?

• X-Files, Hulu ?

• Caddyshack, Hulu ?

• Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Netflix ??

• 30 Rock, Hulu

• The Big Lebowski, Hulu ?

• Wedding Crashers, Netflix ?

• Talladega Nights, Netflix ?

• 40-Year-Old Virgin, Netflix ?❤️️

Reality TV or documentaries

Competition and reality shows can certainly push a narrative, but they’re designed to over explain themselves enough so you aren’t lost if you just jump in midway through. We do caution that some of these nature docs run the risk of you hooking up to baby animals dying.

• Nailed It!, Netflix  ??

• Dating Around, Netflix ?❤️️

• Planet Earth, Netflix

• Our Planet, Netflix ?

• Blue Planet, Netflix ?

• Chef’s Table, Netflix ?

• Ugly Delicious, Netflix ?

• Great British Baking Show, Netflix ?

• Queer Eye, Netflix ??❤️️

• Tidying Up, Netflix ?

• Mythbusters, Hulu ?

• American Ninja Warrior, Hulu ??

• Explained, Netflix ?

Variety, stand up, sketch comedy, or anthology

These selections are great because they’re made up of self-contained bottleneck episodes or comedic bits, allowing you to easily drop in after everyone’s finished or needs a break. We didn’t include many talk shows because, well, they’re all pretty big bummers lately with what’s going on in the world.

• Portlandia, Netflix ?

• Documentary Now, Netflix ?

• Robot Chicken, Hulu ?

• I Think You Should Leave, Netflix ?

• Love, Death, and Robots, Netflix ?

• Drunk History, Hulu ?

• Easy, Netflix ?❤️️?

• Comedy Bang Bang, Netflix ?

• High Maintenance, HBO ??

• Key & Peele, Hulu ?

• Ali Wong Hard Knock Life and Baby Cobra, Netflix ?

• Jen Kirkman I’m Gonna Die Alone and Just Keep Livin’?, Netflix ?

• Wanda Sykes Not Normal, Netflix ?

• John Mulaney New in Town and The Comeback Kid, Netflix ?

• Donald Glover Wierdo, Netflix ?

• Ellen Degeneres Relatable, Netflix ?

• Adam Sandler 100% Fresh, Netflix ?

• Amy Schumer Growing, Netflix ?

• The Standups, Netflix ?

• The Characters, Netflix ?

Good but not so great you can’t miss some of it 

OK, so some of the entries on this list are absolute masterpieces and deserve your full attention. Though these range from just palatable to truly great, they can all be enjoyed whether or not you’re watching every scene.

• Set It Up, Netflix ❤️️?

• Always Be My Maybe, Netflix ❤️️?

• Drop Dead Gorgeous, Hulu ?

• The Little Hours, Netflix ?

• Magic Mike, Netflix ❤️️??

• Bohemian Rhapsody, HBO ?

• Schitt’s Creek, Netflix ?

• Bonding, Netflix ???

• The Detour, Hulu ?

• Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Netflix ?

• It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Hulu ?

• Last Man on Earth, Hulu ?

• Community, Hulu ?

• Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Netflix ?❤️️

• New Girl, Netflix ?

• Maron, Netflix ?

• Baywatch, Amazon Prime Video ???

• Blockers, HBO ?

• Ready Player One, HBO ??

• Ocean’s 8, HBO ??

• The Overnight, Netflix ❤️️?

• Hot Tub Time Machine, Amazon Prime Video ?

• To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, Netflix ❤️️?

• Crazy Rich Asians, HBO ❤️️??

• Marie Antoinette, Netflix ??

• Incredibles 2, Netflix  ??

• Godzilla, Netflix ?

• I’m Sorry, Netflix ?

• Catastrophe, Amazon Prime Video ?❤️️

• Forever, Amazon Prime Video ?❤️️

• Bob’s Burgers, Hulu ??

• Brooklyn 99, Hulu ?

Nonsense, so doesn’t matter if you pay attention

Honestly, we don’t even know. These entries are so confounding that it’s best to only “watch them” while doing something else. Literally anything else.

• Life Itself, Amazon Prime Video ?

• Twin Peaks, Hulu ?

• A Ghost Story, Amazon Prime Video ?

• Under the Silver Lake, Amazon Prime Video ????

• Riverdale, Netflix ??