I will always play Crystal Maiden in ‘Dota 2’ and I’m not sorry

Dota 2 is a complex, strategic multiplayer game with over 120 different playable characters. Combined with their individual catalogues of skills and upgrades, as well as a vast inventory of buyable items, this online battle arena provides players with millions of variables that make each game a unique experience.

Yet despite this endless well of options and opportunities, nine times out of 10 I will choose to play Rylai, the Crystal Maiden. I’m not sorry.

Spending nearly 3,000 hours on just one character isn’t exactly how multiplayer online battle arenas such as Dota 2 are intended to be played. (Yes, I have played over 3,000 hours of Dota 2. No, I will not be taking questions at this time.) Though much less exciting, Dota 2‘s draft process is just as significant and strategic as the game itself. Evaluating how different abilities interact with each other is critical to setting your team up for success, as it should inform which of the game’s 122 heroes you’ll choose to play. 

For example, if your opponents have chosen invisible characters like Riki or Clinkz, you might pick a hero such as Zeus or Slardar, who reveal invisible units. It is therefore customary to assess both your teammates’ and opponents’ lineups when choosing your character, and inadvisable to select the same hero in every single game.

However, this piece of Dota 2 wisdom ignores one very important fact: I do not care. I want to be a shiny snow queen with sparkly frost magic, and I will make it work. 

Crystal Maiden is, in Dota 2 terms, a relatively simple character to play. Think of her like Elsa from Disney’s Frozen, only less singing and more homicide. An Intelligence hero, Crystal Maiden’s strength is in her powerful ice-based magical abilities rather than frankly unimpressive physical damage and health. Designed to support other heroes like an overqualified supernatural babysitter, her talents lie in slowing enemies and freezing them in place while simultaneously buffing allies to help them deal the killing blow.

It doesn’t sound like a particularly glorious job on paper. Why be an accessory to murder when you could do the deed yourself? But, like all Dota 2 heroes, playing Crystal Maiden can become a glorious task when skilfully conducted. There’s nothing like the thrill of hurling yourself into the middle of a losing fight and immediately turning the tide, slowing and damaging all enemies around you so your teammates can clean them up.

Think of her like Elsa from Disney’s “Frozen,” only less singing and more homicide.

Rylai is also very pretty, particularly as I’ve equipped her with a $34.99 virtual dress which not only makes her float and sparkle, but also gives her a puppy. This is equally as important.

There are most definitely heroes who could easily cut my Crystal Maiden’s life into pieces before I can even blink. But through my commitment to sparkle maiden I have become accustomed to such obstacles and know how to deftly navigate them. Having literally spent thousands of hours playing one character grants practical skills and knowledge that act as a considerable counterbalance to any natural disadvantages against certain heroes. 

Experience can’t always completely offset this gap. Even so, picking an objectively weak hero for an unfavourable lineup could be considered similar to attempting a no-hit run of Dark Souls — a difficult but not insurmountable challenge. You may be a fast-striking Phantom Assassin, but if my Crystal Maiden blinks away before you can hit me then that means nothing.

Of course, Dota 2 is a multiplayer game, and you have to keep in mind that suboptimal hero selection can make the experience less enjoyable for your teammates. A poorly played Techies, for example, can make the minelaying goblin more of an irritation than assistance. As such, it’s important to be considerate of your teammates, and to flag exactly who you’re going to pick early on so that everyone can plan their own choices accordingly.

But if you aren’t gaming competitively, why spend your limited recreational time playing a second choice hero? If you’re playing a character you are comfortable with and find fun, you’re much more likely to have a good time whether you win or lose. You’re arguably more likely to win as well. Even professional esports team OG won the multimillion dollar Dota 2 International in 2018 by prioritising heroes they enjoyed playing over what might have theoretically been better for the draft.

Regardless of the video game, choosing the options that will make you happiest is always the purest way to play. Like constructing a team of Pokémon based solely on how cute they are, or cheap shotting creatures in Breath of the Wild, or repeatedly murdering your husbands in The Sims 4, I contend that my monogamous approach to Dota 2 is no less valid than any other playstyle. 

Technically, you could stop me from playing Crystal Maiden. You could be a big ol’ Scrooge and ban my favourite magical girl during the draft, preventing anyone at all from playing her. Alternatively, you could pick Crystal Maiden before me, forcing me to begrudgingly choose some other, less personally coveted hero as my inadequate consolation prize.

But know that if you do this, I will make the next 20-45 minutes a misery for you. I will hound you at every available opportunity, hunting you down like Ahab and the whale, and you shall know no peace. And once this game ends, I will go straight back to picking her. You are just borrowing her form, a transitory visitor who will soon move on. I am become Rylai, the Crystal Maiden, and I want my skin back.

The point of video games is to facilitate joy, and if I find it soothing to play the same comfortable persona for hours on end, then nobody has any right to make me stop. The world is already stressful enough without forcing our downtime to fit into arbitrary rules decided by others. Rewatch your favourite television show. Replay your favourite song. Choose your favourite video game character every time without shame.

It might not be considered the right way to play. But there is no wrong way to have fun.