How to remove your ex from your digital life

Break-ups are always difficult, but in this era of everything being done on a screen there’s the added displeasure of separating yourself not just physically from your ex, but digitally.

The upcoming iOS 15 will make it easier to remove your ex from past photos with the “Feature This Person Less” option. It’s a great step, but it’s not yet available — and doesn’t account for the myriad ways your former flames can pop up online.

Here’s how to digitally remove your ex from your life:

Retrain your algorithms by blocking or unfollowing

While it may seem dramatic to block or unfollow your ex, remember that Instagram or Facebook or other social network’s algorithms are used to you interacting and speaking to your ex a lot and vice versa. Removing them is the easiest and most effective way to retrain your feed, said Jacqueline Lowy, CEO and co-founder of private intelligence consulting firm Sourced Intelligence.

To truly rework the algorithm, don’t search their profile — as tempting as it is. Searching tells your device that you’re interested in seeing more of them, Lowy explained. The same goes for Google searches.

A third tactic to train the algorithm is to temporarily mute friends and family that frequently share photos of them. This tells the site that you don’t want to see these people, and your feed will populate with different posts.

Audit your social media and other accounts

Digital lifestyle expert and radio host Kim Komando recommends changing your passwords to any accounts if there’s even just a chance your ex has them.

Here are quick guides for some accounts where you may currently share passwords:

Komando recommends changing answers to security questions, as well. “Even if they weren’t a great partner,” she said, “chances are they remember some basic information about you.”

Some services, like iCloud, would give your ex access to sensitive info like photos and texts, so make sure to remove them there too. If you shared accounts for paid services, Komando said to double-check and contact providers immediately to remove your ex.

Check your smart home devices

Change the password to your router and check the access to smart tech such as locks and even smart speakers like Alexa. These devices can be accessed remotely, so it’s possible your ex can connect to them even if they’re not in your home.

“I’ve listened to countless stories of exes connecting to WiFi from outside of their old partner’s home and bugging the router,” Komando warned. Unfortunately it’s legal to hack into someone’s WiFi, and if it does happen the hacker (your ex) will have access to your data.

Wipe memories from your devices, even if you can’t from your brain

While we can’t Men in Black our minds, we can do so from our tech.

While we have to wait for the iOS 15 “Feature This Person Less” tool, iOS 14 has “Suggest Fewer Memories Like This.” Tap the For You tab in Photos, then select a Memory. Tap the three dots, then either select Delete Memory or Suggest Fewer Memories Like This.

Google Photos has similar functions where you can hide people & pets and even hide dates, so anniversaries won’t be a problem. In the Photos app, tap on your profile photo, go to Photo Settings, then choose Memories. Tap “Hide people & pets” and choose who you’d like to hide, and the same goes for dates.

On Facebook, go to the Memories page, then navigate to Hide People on the left hand side.

Type your ex’s name in the field:

Feel free to type any other names of third parties that may bombard you with photos of your ex, too. Then “click save and say goodbye to notifications showing your ex at last year’s July 4th BBQ,” as Komando said. You can also hide dates as well.

Following all these tips won’t guarantee you won’t see your ex; algorithms and functions aren’t perfect. But, if you truly want to go no contact, these steps can help.