Costco’s food court isn’t as good as it once was: I tried everything

Costco’s food court is a wonderland for every suburban kid dragged along on a Saturday shopping trip — and for the parents doing the dragging.

It’s a veritable Venus flytrap of unbelievably cheap, filling, and reasonably tasty fast-food designed to encourage shoppers to stuff their stomachs and their shopping carts.

But over the years, Costco has made some changes to its food court, many of which were met with significant backlash. My mom has been a die-hard Polish sausage stan since the ’90s, so when they suddenly vanished from the food court menu, there was a period of mourning in our household.

And as America gravitated toward recent health-food trends such as acai, bowls, and acai bowls, those too began to show up to uninvited Costco’s food court, much like your “broke” hipster cousin who lives in Brooklyn and “visits” you to use your washing machine and eat your quinoa.

What makes acai healthier than other fruit, especially if you blend it into sugar and mix it with fro-yo? And why did Costco replace the Polish sausage with an Italian one?

In pursuit of answers, I traveled down the Hudson River to the heart of consumerist darkness: Costco Wholesale in Sunset Park, Brooklyn. My goal? To taste every single item on the Costco food court menu.

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I was not prepared for the onslaught of food to come. But like a “Game of Thrones” character dead set on surviving the Battle of Winterfell, I clawed my way through hordes of hungry shoppers and, against all odds, made it through to the other side.

Brace yourselves. The lineup is long and full of digestive terrors.