Successful managers and execs use 3 psychological strategies

Successful managers and
execs tend to have the same strategies to cope with the stressors
of their jobs.
fizkes/Shutterstock.com

• Melody Wilding is an executive coach and professor of
  human behavior who has worked with founders and chief
  executives across industries like technology, sports,
  entertainment, and food, and with people from companies like
  Google, Facebook, and HP.
• She’s found that despite differences in their
  day-to-day demands, there are similarities among how leaders
  cope with the uncertainty and unique stressors of their
  jobs.
• They’re optimistic but realistic, they tolerate
  ambiguity, and they’re good at regulating their
  emotions.

Senior executives face constant pressure. Whether it’s the
breakneck pace of their busy schedule or keeping everyone from
shareholders to employees happy, the life of a leader can be
extremely stressful.

As an executive coach and human professor behavior, I have an
inside view into the high performance habits of CEOs. I’ve worked
with founders and chief executives across industries like
technology, sports, entertainment, and food, and with people from
companies like Google, Facebook, and HP. In my work, I also get
to help leaders develop the mental strength they need to succeed.

Despite differences in their day-to-day demands, I’ve observed
similarities among how these leaders cope with the uncertainty
and unique stressors of their job. Those who thrive under
pressure build a certain psychological skill set — one that helps
them bring out the best in themselves and in others, even when
times get tough.

1. Realistic optimism

The leaders I work with tend to have an optimistic
explanatory style, meaning they view setbacks as temporary
and solvable. They have a big vision and believe in their ability
to create a positive future, but they’re not Pollyannaish, blind
optimists.

Instead, they’re realistic optimists.

They recognize that a good attitude matters, but nevertheless,
they carefully plan for
potential obstacles, all without devolving into endless
worry. Because they are highly self-aware, these leaders also
know how to correct
unhealthy thinking patterns that may drag them down.

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2. Ambiguity tolerance

Change is the only constant in business and in life, which means
that CEOs must become very skilled at
dealing with uncertainty. This skill, known as ambiguity
tolerance, involves befriending unpredictability and the unknown.

Paradoxically, leaders must learn how to relinquish a
need for control and sit with the discomfort that comes along
with not always having the answers. The most effective CEOs know
that acting prematurely without enough information can often
steer them (and their entire company) in the wrong direction.

3. Emotion regulation

When you get angry, how do you respond? When you’re disappointed
in someone, do you let them know or hold resentment inside? The
way you manage and express your feelings, or emotional
regulation, is a crucial part of leadership and individual
happiness.

Responding to external triggers appropriately, instead of letting
your emotions spiral out of control, is at the core of performing
under pressure. CEOs who excel at this skill are able to
calm themselves quickly (usually through mindfulness) and get
back to a balanced state where they can think clearly and respond
rationally.

Rather than playing the victim, withdrawing, or angrily exploding
at those around them, emotionally intelligent leaders share their
feelings and communicate with the people around them. That
doesn’t mean they become
pushovers. Upholding your personal boundaries and holding
other people accountable matters.

It’s important to realize that none of these are inborn traits.
They are skills that can be acquired at any point during your
career and can benefit you even if you never reach the C-suite.
Like any skills, realistic optimism, ambiguity tolerance, and
emotion regulation can be learned over time through intentional
practice and conscious effort.

Melody Wilding.
Courtesy of
Melody Wilding

Melody Wilding is an executive coach, licensed social worker,
and professor of Human Behavior at Hunter College.

Her clients include high-performing managers and leaders at
places like Google, Facebook, and HP.

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