J.K. Rowling got drunk and asked Twitter to explain Bitcoin

J.K. Rowling has been drinking a lot and you’d better believe she has some thoughts on Bitcoin.

Noted TERF and author of The Cuckoo’s Calling, Rowling decided Friday was the perfect time to learn about the cryptocurrency Bitcoin. And so, like any celebrity who wants to start her day off with a ray of positivity, she hopped on Twitter to engage. 

“I don’t understand bitcoin,” Rowling tweeted to Coindesk’s Leigh Cuen. “Please explain it to me.”

Over the course of the next several hours, as legions of crypto try-hards leapt at the opportunity to explain consensus algorithms, Rowling’s nascent views on Bitcoin turned from mildly inquisitive to a friendly mocking.

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Perhaps it was the fourth Old Fashioned speaking?

“People are now explaining Bitcoin to me, and honestly, it’s blah blah blah collectibles (My Little Pony?) blah blah blah computers (got one of those) blah blah blah crypto (sounds creepy) blah blah blah understand the risk (I don’t, though.),” she tweeted. “I know you mean to help, but full disclosure: I’m only allowing myself alcohol at weekends during this lockdown and I’m on my fourth very strong Old Fashioned and honestly, you might as well send me a scroll written in Sanskrit.”

But wait! Rowling wasn’t done. After sarcastically noting that Bitcoin “doesn’t sound at all sinister,” and apparently genuinely writing that she has “far more chance of grasping it drunk,” Rowling appeared to have a revelation. 

“Finally, an explanation that makes sense,” she tweeted in response to an explanation seemingly ripped straight out of one of her pseudonymously written Robert Galbraith novels. 

“Imagine that something exists which doesn’t actually exist,” read the explanation from one ElPolloDiabloX. “That’s Bitcoin.”

Sure, why not.